***Warning: Girl topics are discussed***
My friend had a baby this weekend. She had a baby after 36.5 hours of natural (no meds), and yes, painful, labor, but she doesn't regret it and it was overall a good experience for her. (Side note: our definitions of "good" are different, so I'm not planning on trying that route.) I went to visit her at the hospital and saw her beautiful baby boy. He really is beautiful. Some babies aren't that cute, but he was really cute. And his new parents were just beaming with pride and gushing with love. It was very sweet.
I was sitting there, holding that little baby, and I got quite a gigantic rush of fear. (This is not nothing new to me, fear is something I've always dealt with). Not a fear that I would drop the baby, but a fear that I would have one sooner than I would like. I mean I was holding a person. What a huge responsibility.
I looked at that sweet baby, and then handed him to his proud aunt, said my goodbyes to the family, and then I resumed breathing once I was in the hallway.
So let's just keep it real. I don't know about other married females out there, but every month the same thing happens. I ask Mark if he thinks I'm pregnant. Not because I have any reason to believe that I am, but because I have that fear of "what if". Every time Mark says "No", I say, "Are you sure?!" and he says "Yes", then generally I say "But what if I am??!" and he says, "You're not". Man of few words. I keep this up for a good week or two until a monthly friend visits and then I praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow. Okay, wow - I did NOT mean for that pun to happen. But seriously. That's bar none the best day of the month for me.
To keep things straight: I want kids. I hope when the time is right we will be able to have kids. I want three, heck, maybe even four. Who knows? But here's the thing: I do not want them today. In case everyone is wondering, we would like a house first, and we would like to be more financially stable. So it will be a few years.
BTW... the entire time I am typing this, I am using only my right hand, while my left hand is non-stop knocking on a gigantic piece of wood.
So. That's my story. I'm not ready. I could get ready if I was forced to. But I'm not ready today. Holding that little baby gave me a lot of joy for his new family, and reminded me we would have one of those one day hopefully, but it also almost sent me over the edge. Not to be dramatic or anything. (-;
Do I have a point with this? Well, no, apparently I don't. Except I know a lot of young marrieds read this blog, and I am dying to know how other people feel about this as well. I'm looking forward to your points of view and your stories.
Do you want kids? Now? Do you worry about it? Does your hubby think you're crazy?